Zen Muskoka Yoga Studio
I have resurfaced. Not only from a 10 day long flu that kept me quiet and couch surfing, but I have resurfaced into a space of calm contentment.
Not to bore you with the details, the highlights of my past two weeks have been a 3 day fever, a emergency dental procedure, as well as saying goodbye to my feline friend, Sushi. But as the saying goes, 'when it rains, it pours!'
There were a few bright moments within my needy and whiny days. I spent quite some time reflecting quietly (because I couldn't speak!) and one of the first and most important insights I came across was "I cannot control the future". I knew that of course, no one can!
I spend so much time thinking ahead: planning the next sequence, counterpose, peak pose, cool down, and contemplation. Not only on the mat, I am often trapped in the non-existent future: scheduling people, places, events, and meetings - even into 2017! Creation and momentum should be my middle names. Sometimes, I'm not in my body enough to feel if I am hungry, tired, or ill. Especially during the long and abundant Muskoka summers. So of course, I laughed (and maybe cried) a little when I got sick and couldn't work. I literally could not speak and my job is reliant upon what flies out of my mouth. I laughed because I knew I couldn't control it and I was trying so incredibly hard to keep it together.
Releasing the need to control every aspect of my life is a practice. I will not surrender completely to allow 'the universe' to work it's 'magic' - that makes me feel helpless. I will practice turning anxiety into curiosity then curiosity into intention. Through intention, things line up. Things that I was pushing away because of worry and busy-ness, I can now create enough space to see clearly, receive, and build momentum in the direction I already know suits me best.
And I have the perfect opportunity to practice!
Starting August 31st I am driving myself across Canada. All the way - by myself - and I'm a little terrified. I've made the promise to myself to travel solo from time to time so with September being a quiet month in the Studio, this has lined up wonderfully. I'm astounded by the connections already being made and I haven't even left Bracebridge yet! Friends and friends of friends are offering beds, couches, activities, rides, conversations and dinners to me as I journey to Tofino and back through the U.S. Oh, the wonders of Facebook!
The next month will be a true test to my commitment to curiosity as traveling embodies this practice; curious about the places I will go, the people I will connect with, and my response to life on the road. In moments of unease or stress I can pause and notice what's happening to my body physiologically, then notice what's storming through my mind, and eventually clarify that whatever is on my path is meant to be there and I do not need to strangle every detail of this trip. To be honest, I have such a loose framework for this trip. I have only four places I truly need to be at a certain time. The rest is left to curiosity.
My intention is always, always, always to feel content with who I am, where I'm coming from, and where I'm going in any given moment. As simple and complex as that: contentment. My challenge to you, dear blog reader, is to stay open and willing to work with curiosity. In times of agitation or stagnancy, or even elation and bliss - get curious as to how your body is responding, what your breath feels like, where your mind wanders, and is it in line with your intentions?
The yogi's of Muskoka